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Online Infidelity Is It Really Cheating?
'Innocent' Relationships Can Take Serious Toll On Marriages
LOS ANGELES -- It's a problem that can take its toll
on married life and when left unchecked can sometimes lead to divorce.
Television station KNBC looked into the growing phenomenon of online infidelity
-- married people creating intimate relations through cyberspace. But
is it really cheating?
"There is great debate whether this is infidelity
or not," said Dr. Beatriz Mileham, who conducted an in-depth study
of married people who go online in search of a romantic connection.
"It gives people license to be sexual with strangers
while still maintaining their vows, at least they think they are maintaining
their marital vows," said Mileham.
You can find all kinds of people at any time of the day
logged into "married and flirting" chatrooms, he said.
"Right now there's 1,006 people, 11:30 in the morning,"
Most people use screen names in order to remain anonymous.
But some also post pictures, including photos taken with their kids.
"The No. 1 justification is that 'I'm not touching
anyone,'" said Mileham.
No contact, no foul. Right? Or is it cheating?
"You're opening up a can of worms to bringing destruction
to your marriage," one person told the station.
"I consider it slightly cheating, so to speak,"
said another person.
Still another person said, "I think it's a form
of cheating. It's an invitation for something disastrous to happen to
Some experts say if you can't tell your partner about
it, it's cheating. Mileham says her study found 30 percent ended up in
a real-world affair with their online partners.
"It can break marriages, actually. I found a source
that said one-third of divorce litigation is due to online affairs. It
starts as innocently, as, 'How are you?' and escalates from there,"
According to a recent study conducted by the Sexual Recovery
Institute in Los Angeles, 52 percent of online sex addicts had decreased
interest in sex with a spouse or partner. Mileham showed the station it
doesn't take long to find a partner and for the conversation to quickly
turn sexual. Within minutes, anyone who is bored with their marriage --
or just curious -- can find themselves intimately involved with a complete
One man, who is currently involved in several virtual
affairs with married women, didn't want to appear on camera because he
was concerned his real life girlfriend would see the story. He said he
simply fills "an emotional deficit" in women's marriages and
that their husbands have no idea he exists -- but that's what Mileham
says is the problem.
When these online relationships are discovered by an
unknowing partner, they often feel very betrayed -- even if the contact
is restricted to the computer only. Mileham says that's because the person
involved is still channeling sexual energy and emotional energy and is
flirting and creating a little bit of an emotional bond that people feel
should be reserved for them.
Full credit for this news article goes to: nbc san diego
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The chance of a married woman having an affair is highest within the first
five years and falls off gradually with time. Men have two high-risk
phases, one during the first five years of marriage and, the second,
after the 20th year.
30% Of online relationships evolve into real-world affairs. A
staggering nine out of ten women in relationships flirt with other men
on a regular basis.
Studies find that more than one in five men do have an affair,
at least once in their lives, and that women are now about as likely
as men to cross the line.
In a survey 98 percent of men and 80 percent of women surveyed reported
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