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Yet another icky royal scandal

There's something about Charles ...

As in, the Prince of Wales, future sovereign, famous adulterer, infamous cuckold. And, in his sexual thrall to the slatternly Camilla Parker-Bowles, a doofus altogether too reminiscent of his great-uncle, Edward, the pussy-whipped ponce-who-would-not-be-King.

But what is it, exactly, about Chas that has landed the royal family in yet another puddle of scandal? This one so unseemly, so icky, thatlike a certain kind of love (at least until not so long ago, at which point it wouldn't shut up)it can't even speak its name; indeed, must not identify itself, by dint of court order and legal injunction.

What we have instead is the bizarre spectacle of Prince Charles vehemently denying rumoursin wall-to-wall newspaper coverage yesterdaydespite the fact these rumours have never been printed in the British press nor uttered on British airwaves, although some off-shore media outlets (alas, not the Toronto Star) have tittle-tattled and most of the damp details, as alleged, are accessible on the Internet.

Really, one needn't be Hercule Poirot to figure this out.

There are gobs of clues dangling all over the place. And the meat of the matter, the sexual pith of it, is quite preposterous, so "risible" (in one veteran royal watcher's description), that Prince Charles would have been much the wiser if he'd just left it alone, not even dignified the accusation by denying it, especially since he could deny it only obliquely, in an overheated information vacuum. This after his own former senior aide, one Michael Fawcett, had secured an injunction preventing the media from publishing any details about the allegation.

And even Fawcett's identity, as injunction-seeker, was protected by a publication ban until a judge lifted that purdah-veil midweek, in response to an application by The Guardian.

A royal gagging can only go so far, as the Windsors are discovering. And, erelong, there's no doubt all these distasteful details will get a full and public (read: published) airing. Prince Charles has all but ensured that, his ill-advised pre-emptive denials merely further feeding the titillation frenzy.

There's this guy, see, a former royal valet, who has in the past claimed to have been raped (in 1989) by another member of the royal staff, someone who worked for Prince Charles.

This is not a new story. It has been out there for ages. In fact, the late Princess of Wales is known to have made a tape of the valet's allegations and begged Charles to fire the alleged rapist, which did not happen.

This tape was central to the theft case against Diana's butler, Paul Burrell, which collapsed last year after the Queen suddenly remembered a conversation she'd had with the accused wherein the butler stated he'd taken certain items from Diana's Kensington Palace apartments for "safekeeping" following her death in Paris.

Diana kept the tape under lock and key in a special inlaid wooden box, a box that was later forced open, police said. No one seems to know where the cassette has ended upalthough Burrell certainly does point an accusatory finger at Diana's sister, Lady Sarah McCorquodale.

Anyway, the tape is not the specific issue now. Rather, the fuss seems to emanate from another allegation, also made by this same Prince Charles' valet, about a sexual incident he claims to have witnessed, involving the Prince and the aforementioned aide, the one the valet accused of having raped him.


Get it?

These are not difficult dots to connect, people.

Little wonder, I suppose, that Prince Charles felt it necessary to defend by denying, to deflect by flicking off.

Sexual scandal by way of heterosexual adultery is one thing; allegations of the kind being made in England last week quite another.

Between the classes, no less! Upstairs, downstairs!

Why it's ... it's ... downright Diana-cratic.

Honestly, look at some of the vicious commentary surrounding publication of Burrell's recent book, A Royal Duty, which is actually a great big valentine to Diana and a tender defence of the royal family, most especially the Queen and her husband, Prince Philip, who apparently both made valiant efforts at placating and advising their erstwhile, impetuous daughter-in-law.

Just try to tell me a whole whack of the vitriol engendered by A Royal Duty isn't rooted in class snobbery and the audacitythe sheer gall!of a butler who fancied himself a confidant to and protector of the princess. But, cripers, one does wonder at the carelessness of the royals when hiring (or accepting) the men and women who most intimately share their liveseven to the point of squeezing toothpaste onto their toothbrushesalbeit in the capacity of servants. Which must render them entirely invisible.

There's an odd symmetry to the scandalous comeuppance arising now from a couple of servants to Charles and Diana: The valet and the butler.

I am, however, left with one overriding question: Good golly, was there anybody the late Princess of Wales didn't have sex with?

Yes, yes, she went to her marital bed a 20-year-old virgin, never got a chance to sow so much as a pinto bean, much less a bunch of wild oats. And she spent at least a few years having dull leg-overs with no one other than the droopy-arsed future King, after whom just about any male with a pulse and a chin might have looked dashing.

(Presumably, Major James Hewitt, ultra-cad, was a darn sight more handsome in the late `80s, when he was famously shagging HRH want to contact your for some extramaritial fun, you can answer quickly and not miss out on the booty call! It is so easy to find sex in her husband's tacit approval, or so the chronically unemployed pseudo-gigolo told a documentary crew that followed him about last year, as Diana's former squeeze sought vainly for a buyer who might give him a million-or-so for the princess' reportedly hot-and-panting love letters.

Time has not been kind. Hewitt, as evidenced in that documentaryfinally shown on Canadian TV last weekhas gone to seed, all gin-blossom booze-face and flabby haunches. But Bryan Adams? Bryan Adams?

So says the Canadian pop singer's ex-girlfriend. And he's not exactly denying it.

Sure did a lot of slumming, and boffing, the Princess formerly known as HRH.

Full credit for this news article goes to: the toronto star

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